So the other day I found a few stories that I wrote from way back during the awkward years of my teenage-hood. At this time everything that was me was being amplified into over dramatic bursts of something that is either very creative or extremely disturbing. Shown through this first story called; Cacky The Cacky Cactus
(from a title like that, you know this will be good)
I will post more of these stories along the way :)
The story begins...
Once upon a time there was a little girl named Jasmine. Now Jasmine had a brain dysfunction called, super hyper crazy weird disorder (SHCWD). all the doctors tried to cure Jasmine of SHCWD, but she didn't want to be cured. So they let her ride home on her yellow elephant named Sedgwick Elephant. Sedgwick elephant was very angry that day however, and stampeded to the local fish market to buy a cow (don't ask me how that works coz i really don't know!
) The cow that the elephant bought was name Harold. Harold the cow went to Sedgwick the elephant to tell Sedgwick the elephant to go punch Frizzle the flea on the nose, because frizzle flea made fun of Mary Monkey's mother. Mary Monkey's mother is a kind old goat. she liked to give shotguns to the children in her poor village. Mary Monkey loved her mother very much, and hated it when Frizzle Flea made fun of her. So Mary Monkey told Harold the cow that Frizzle the Flea had made fun of Mary Monkey's mother, and that Mary Monkey wanted Frizzle Flea to be punched on the nose by Sedgwick elephant. But Sedgwick elephant didn't want to punch Frizzle Flea on the nose because she was his wife. So Sedgwick elephant's wife, Frizzle Flea, was not punched on the nose by her husband, Sedgwick elephant, but was in fact punched on the nose by Cacky the cacky cactus. Cacky the cacky cactus is a nice old cactus, but is highly allergic to lipstick. And it just so happened that the day that cacky the cacky cactus punched Frizzle Flea on the nose, Frizzle Flea had lipstick on her nose because she was going to King Caterpillar the fuzzy's royal ball that night. so Cacky the cacky cactus blew up like a balloon and shot his spines out at very high velocities, which wiped out the elephant, including Sedgwick elephant. Frizzle Flea didn't like it when Cacky the cacky cactus killed her husband, so she asked King Caterpillar the fuzzy and Mary Monkey to go punch Cacky the cacky cactus on the nose. Unfortunately when they went to do this though, there wasn't enough of Cacky the cacky cactus left to punch. so they went to Mary Monkey's mother to ask for advice. Mary Monkey's mother told Mary Monkey to tell Marvin Mammoth what had happened to Frizzle Flea's husband, Sedgwick elephant. They also told Harold cow what happened, and he told King Caterpillar the fuzzy to became bald so they could make a cushion out of his fuzziness. So King Caterpillar the now not so fuzzy made a cushion out of his fuzziness. After he pulled out his fuzziness however, he realised that he didn't like being bald, and started crying. So Harold cow, Frizzle Flea, Mary Monkey, Mary Monkey's mother and Marvin Mammoth cheered King Caterpillar the now not so fuzzy up by saying that they loved every bald inch of him. But Ahsayuni dog hated King Caterpillar the now not so fuzzy very much and killed him. Mary Monkey's mother and Mary Monkey were very sad, so Mary Monkey's mother and Mary Monkey hit Ahsayuni dog on the head with a very big mallet. Then Ahsayuni dog, Mary Monkey, Mary Monkey's mother, Frizzle Flea, Marvin Mammoth and the fish market workers all came down with the mysterious disorder SHCWD. which made them all very stupid. Then Sedgwick elephant, Cacky the cacky cactus and King Caterpillar the now not so fuzzy came back from the dead and Sedgwick elephant, Cacky the cacky cactus, Mary Monkey's mother, Mary Monkey, Harold cow, Frizzle Flea, Marvin Mammoth, King Caterpillar the now not so fuzzy, Ahsayuni dog, the fish market workers, Jasmine AND Jasmine's doctors, all partied very hard, because now they all understood how fun it was to have SHCWD, and they all lived happily ever after. Except for Ahsayuni dog, because he died of a weird disease call No Body Loves You At All Dysfunction (NBLYAAD). Then Mary Monkey's mother, Mary Monkey, King Caterpillar the now not so fuzzy, Frizzle Flea, Marvin mammoth, Sedgwick elephant, Harold cow, the fish market workers, Jasmine AND Jasmine's doctors partied even harder because NBLYAAD was very contagious, but no one else got it because they were all loved very much by The very big giraffe down the street, who aslo had SHCWD. So The very big giraffe down the street, Sedgwick elephant, Cacky the cacky cactus, Mary Monkey's mother, Mary Monkey, Harold cow, Frizzle Flea, Marvin Mammoth, King Caterpillar the now not so fuzzy, the fish market workers, Kelly how the heck did she get into this, Jasmine AND Jasmine's doctors all partied very hard without Ahsayuni dog.
THE END!
(are u confused now? cause i certainly am!)
